I hold you close and hear you breathe, tucked in my arm so small and sweet.
You’re getting warm and your ear is damp, as it rests in the croak of my arm, my dear. I try to gently shift your weight but you stir and rumble so I decide to just keep you there.
I brought you to this place to make you feel safe and loved, a task that I find hard when it’s getting this late.
Through the years I’ve nursed you and sang songs in rhyme, kept you close whilst constantly checking the time, the hours pass by and my hope for sleep stumbles. These sleepless nights leave my head in shambles.
I worry, tomorrow that I won’t be loving and calm, that I’ll be tired and drained, after a night so long. I’m sleepy and grumpy and just need a rest but then you smile that cheeky smile and of course, I quickly forget.
I don’t want these nights to pass somehow, you and I in a synchronised state of sleep deprivation, yet I wish them away as I fight the exhaustion.
I know you’ll soon grow big and not want me near, by then my bed will feel massive and spare! It was once a place full of love and laughter, rest, cuddles and teething disasters.
I’ll think back and wish that I’d treasured it so, the nights when I cried and just wanted more.
The space will make the bed feel as it’s no longer a nest, full of wrestling arms and I’m sure I won’t feel as blessed.
I will try tomorrow to look at your face, full of sleep and mischievous grace. I’ll remind myself that although incredibly rough these nights won’t last forever and that will be equally tough!
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